Monday, October 24, 2005

Exectutive missive

I don't know precisely what it takes to become the vice president of a large corporation, but apparently the place where I work does not require its VPs to write coherent, meaningful prose. The excerpt below, with names and details changed to protect the guilty, went to everyone in the company this afternoon, regarding RL's promotion to director of ABC. (The original acronyms were no more meaningful.)

RL's most recent role was as a Manager for the ABC group for XYZ accounts. As ABC Manager, RL performed admirably in executing on strategic responsibilities by helping to align customer requirements to the strip product development. In addition, RL excelled in his tactical responsibilities by driving multi-functional groups to provide timely solutions.

In his new expanded role, RL will add on the responsibility of providing technical and tactical leadership to Acme to ensure customer satisfaction at our top strategic customer

Personally, I'm glad I am not RL, and I am glad nobody has asked me whether to hire or promote RL. I certainly have no idea what "executing on strategic responsibilities" means, and I somehow doubt I would enjoy doing it very much.


Blogger Evil Director said...

Apparently, the VP is of the "Let's use big words to show how intellectual and mysterious we really are!" camp. Let's see what the paragraph looks like after translation, even though everyone reading the post has probably already done so for themselves (but, hey, I like stating the obvious.)

"RL managed the ABC group (which incidentally, has XYZ accounts.) When tasks were deligated to RL, he/she followed the customers' directions to make sure that there were no complaints. He/she did his job in a timely fashion."

"Now that he has been promoted, he will be deligating more work to his underlings."

This is about as amusing as the "mission statement" posted at Port of Subs that makes a fast food deli sound like technical repair.

25 October, 2005 20:54  

Post a Comment

<< Home