Thursday, March 16, 2006

A phone call

Me: dial number to confirm receipt of credit card.
Too-perky phone voice: Hello, and thank you for calling Large Bank. Please enter your 16 digit number to verify your Large Bank credit card.
Me: 16 digit number.
Too-perky phone voice: While we confirm your credit card for you, please take a moment to consider Large Bank's credit reporting service, something Large Bank would gladly offer its valued customers for free, if it actually valued them. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, only one dollar for the first month, after which we presume you will forget that you pressed the damn button just to get this over with. If you would like Large Bank to attempt to separate you from even more of your hard-earned money than we already do, press one now. [90 seconds have elapsed in the course of describing this offer, and there's no option to press for "absolutely not!"].
Me: [deafening silence].
Too-perky phone voice: We URGE you to consider, blah, blah, increase in identity theft. Blah, blah, blah...pretty please? Are you SURE?
Me: *&%$ this! [I hang up and go complete the transaction online, instead, where at least I don't have to wait through the entire offer to click "no thanks".]

In less time than it would have taken me to finish convincing Perky Phone Voice that I really, really wasn't interested, I walked upstairs, verified the card online, declined two additional offers, and was rewarded with the following message:

"You Didn't Enroll in the Cardholder Security PlanĀ®*. Here is another option that might better suite [sic] your needs."

Sorry, but no thanks, in case you didn't get it the first four times.


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