Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My anti-resume

All of the following statements are true about me, except for one. One is outright rubbish, and the rest are true, if useless. Can you spot the false claim?

  • Juggled flaming clubs.
  • Changed the head gasket on a Toyota pickup.
  • Rappelled 180 feet (55m) into Moaning Cavern at age 8.
  • Conducted two sixty-person marching bands.
  • Regularly contribute entries to the dictionary, including Spanish and Greek translations. Do not engage in omphaloskepsis frequently, but know its meaning and have run across the word while reading.
  • Played kazoo before a live audience of hundreds.
  • Have performed in Flint Center.
  • Experienced trampolinist.
  • Skilled at improvisational dance.
  • Swam the length of a 40-yard swimming pool under water, without coming up for air.
  • Able to type 70wpm on a Dvorak keyboard
  • Have never purchased a single thing from Starbucks
  • Once reminded her boss of his own wedding anniversary, which both he and his wife had forgotten.
  • Able to sing with a range of 2 octaves, with perfect pitch.
  • Can count on one hand the number of alcoholic drinks I have ever tasted.
  • Do not watch television.
  • Once went over eight years without a haircut.
  • Have helped at least one person to quit smoking.
  • Have head-banged in a public performance.
  • Have helped one person gain US citizenship.
  • Have never had a cavity.

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