My anti-resume

All of the following statements are true about me, except for one. One is outright rubbish, and the rest are true, if useless. Can you spot the false claim?

Juggled flaming clubs.

Changed the head gasket on a Toyota pickup.

Rappelled 180 feet (55m) into Moaning Cavern at age 8.

Conducted two sixty-person marching bands.

Regularly contribute entries to the dictionary, including Spanish and Greek translations. Do not engage in omphaloskepsis frequently, but know its meaning and have run across the word while reading.

Played kazoo before a live audience of hundreds.

Have performed in Flint Center.

Experienced trampolinist.

Skilled at improvisational dance.

Swam the length of a 40-yard swimming pool under water, without coming up for air.

Able to type 70wpm on a Dvorak keyboard

Have never purchased a single thing from Starbucks

Once reminded her boss of his own wedding anniversary, which both he and his wife had forgotten.

Able to sing with a range of 2 octaves, with perfect pitch.

Can count on one hand the number of alcoholic drinks I have ever tasted.

Do not watch television.

Once went over eight years without a haircut.

Have helped at least one person to quit smoking.

Have head-banged in a public performance.

Have helped one person gain US citizenship.

Have never had a cavity.